Confirmation

Well, I had it confirmed yesterday that my most likely bloodline on my father's side is Jewish - that is my antic tribe on his side. Almost all of my genetic matches on his side are Ashkenazi (East European Jews).

It is a strange feeling - very exciting and exhilarating, but I also have something of a feeling of anti-climax now it has been confirmed. I suppose the hard thing is that I have no one I can really share the information with who would be particularly interested.

It is an amazing feeling knowing that I am related to Biblical people - Moses, King David, Jesus... perhaps even Elijah... well, OK, we are all related to each other ultimately, but obviously having a Jewish bloodline relates you in a closer or more linear way. Another reason I think it may feel a little anti-climatic is because according to orthodox Judaism I am not considered Jewish because the line is traced through the maternal line. I know this is a bit of a controversial issue between the orthodox and reform lines - it is apparent that lineage has been traced back through the patrilineal line in the past. At any rate - it is a part of my genetic heritage, whether or not "Jewishness" is officially recognised as my status. I am quite happy to accept that in order to identify as Jewish I would need to make a much bigger cultural commitment by officially converting.

But I stand divided. In the past I have felt close to my Catholic heritage and theologically I feel closer to Judaism right now. I am saddened by the tension, suspicion and aggression that has taken place in the past between these two peoples - and that is still all too apparent. I suppose my parents' divorce and the fact that I am no longer in touch with my father in any kind of meaningful way - he really wants nothing to do with me - is just a microcosmic reflection of the bigger picture.