Prayer

L_rd G_d,
I am sorry I haven't been taking the time to talk to you much these days. It is all the confusion between Judaism and Christianity. I feel like I have let it drive a wedge between us.

I know no one benefits from the division. It only causes misery.

I love you - I try to keep loving you - I try to be grateful for everything you have given me, including the very life I experience it all with. But sometimes I struggle to keep hopeful. My recent illnesses have taken their toll and it has been hard for me at times to stay positive.

I am sorry I have failed in this regard. I know that however much I suffer there are always others who will suffer and who have suffered more. I also know you will not send me anything you do not think I can handle and that sometimes we need to be taken to the brink of disaster before you rescue us because it is the only way we will learn the lesson that is due to us.

I also know that we can never appreciate the bigger picture from our individual standpoint and that what seems unfair from an individual perspective might well be the best thing for all concerned on a larger scale. Not having the needs of an entire universe to juggle, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to balance all of those conflicting interests.

I love you L_rd, Baruch HaShem, and I pray that you remain with me at the times when I let myself slide into despair. I know you will, so please help me to remain firm in that knowledge.

Bloodlines

Been having DNA tests done recently to find out some details about my heritage. It seems that my maternal line is fairly undiluted Saami while my paternal side is Ashkenazi. Very cool and very weird, considering my religious experiences have concerned shamanic initiation into a reindeer herd and a vision of the lion of Judah - actually witnessed by a friend at the same time, so I know it wasn't just in my head.

Baruch HaShem.